


letter

by fullmetalscully



Series: Royai Week 2020 [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Batman AU, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Feelings Realization, Near Death Experiences, One-Sided Farewell, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Royai - Freeform, past solaris/roy relationship, roy is a idiot but what else is new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24604933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalscully/pseuds/fullmetalscully
Summary: royai week 2020 - day 1: lettera oneshot, loosely based on scenes from the batman film: the dark knight rises. a letter from a sweetheart doesn’t get passed on in order to protect one’s feelings, but at what cost?
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Series: Royai Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778677
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	letter

**Author's Note:**

> happy royai week everyone!!
> 
> this is very loosely based on the dark knight rises (as in i watched it like a year and a half ago (amazing film btw) and i’m going off memory alone). i’ve had this idea sitting since then and only really had random sentences jotted down so what better time to get my butt into gear than for royai week?

“Why didn’t I get that letter?” Roy asked, voice cold. It hurt to hear Roy speak to her in that way, but Riza stood by what she did.

“That woman had already broken your heart. I did it to protect you, as is my job. I won’t apologise for that,” she replied calmly.

“You had no _right_ ,” he growled, rounding on her.

“I had every right," Riza stated simply despite the fear prickling over her scalp and down her arms as she heard him talk to her in that way. Not once had he ever raised his voice or been angry at her. However, she was doing her job, as he'd requested. "You asked me to keep your best intentions at heart, which I did.”

“This was _important_. Solaris is _dead_ , and you threw away my last connection to her? The last thing she left me?” His chest was heaving with his anger.

“This was before she passed,” Riza replied tactfully. “She hurt you, Sir,” she added but was cut off.

“You’re fired,” was his reply. There was no room for argument. His voice was dazed and hurt. He was hurt by what she'd done and by what could have been. What he could have known.

Riza’s lips pursed. He’d always been the emotional one of the two of them, using them to rule his decisions, however if that was what her employer decided, then that was that. She wanted to fight. She wanted to yell at him to stop being so dense and realise that she’d done it for his own good _and_ had removed that letter from her possession _before_ Solaris died. However, there would be no getting through to him in this state. She needed another way…

“Understood, Sir,” Riza confirmed, trying to keep her emotions out of her voice. Roy had already turned to walk up the stairs of his mansion as she spoke. Taking a deep breath, she turned away herself with every step feeling like a dagger in her chest, despite believing what she’d done had been right.

Many years ago, she'd mastered burying her feelings for him. This was not out of jealousy. Riza wasn't that kind of person. No, this was out of her sense of duty to him. Riza had been the one to hold him and comfort him when Solaris had ended their chance at a relationship in the first place, picking someone else over him. She'd dried his tears and done her best to get him back on his feet. Riza has watched him spiral into his pit of despair and had been unable to do anything to stop it.

She wouldn't let that woman ruin him once again. Especially now she was dead. Roy had already had his closure. There was no need to drag up old feelings. Riza just didn’t want him to spiral again at such a critical time.

Her hands were trembling as she packed her bags. If she was fired from his employment then she needed to go. Riza doubted Roy would want her sticking around. Gripping the fabric of the holdall tightly, she closed her eyes and evened out her breathing. Drawing on years of experience, she bottled it all up. Until she found somewhere to stay, that was when she could let go.

This life was all she'd ever known. Helping him make the world a better place, patching him up when he was hurt, picking him up when he was beaten down… She’d done it just a few days ago when he’d been stabbed in a fight.

Now it was gone.

Shoving the rest of her belongings in the holdall she zipped it shut with force. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her desk and hesitated before heading for the door.

That would be another way to get through to him…

Riza approached, picking up the pen and smoothing down the paper as the words solidified in her mind.

* * *

Roy stormed through his empty mansion angrily. Every door he burst through banged angrily against the wall behind it, but he didn't care. He was too hurt by Riza’s betrayal.

How _dare_ she decide what he should and shouldn't know? _Especially_ when it came to Solaris. He fucking _deserved_ to know what she'd wanted to say to him in that letter. That was the last connection Roy had to her before she died, and Riza had just decided to toss it away?! To keep it from him?

He was so angry.

This emotion was foreign. He'd never felt anger towards Riza before. She was a genuinely good person, but this was pushing it too far. He felt betrayed.

Roy slammed his bedroom door closed.

* * *

The mansion was in darkness when he awoke. He’d only slept for a few hours. Pulling himself up from his bed, Roy’s feet hit the floor heavily. His shoulders were stiff as he rolled them, smarting slightly. The knife wound on his side that Riza had bandaged up a few days ago stretched as he did, and Roy grimaced. Standing, he made his way over to the window by his desk.

Then he paused.

There was an envelope on the table. No, two. Both addressed to him. He switched on a lamp hastily in his passing and reached for them. His hands shook when he saw a slightly battered and yellowed envelope with Solaris’ writing on it. Had Riza… kept it all along?

The other envelope was clean. Riza had wrote it, and there was a sticky note atop it.

_Read me first. Please._

Roy was in half a mind to ignore her request, but now he'd calmed down, the more rational part reminded him that everything Riza Hawkeye did was for a reason. A familiar feeling of guilt crept up on him. And then there was confusion. Why was she leaving him a letter?

_Roy,_

_Firstly, let me apologise for my actions. Understand that it was never out of malicious intent that I withheld that information from you. I'd already watched you drag yourself back from that pit she left you in. I didn't want to see my friend go through that again. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. Evidently not. I was stupid. Sorry._

Roy swallowed thickly as he read, an awful feeling of foreboding creeping over him.

_Secondly, I wish to thank you for putting up with me all these years. You've given me more opportunities than you could ever know, and I will forever be in your debt. You showed me kindness when no one else would. I'm forever grateful. Too bad my actions will not allow me to repay you in the way you deserve to be repaid._

_Know that I will always be one of your biggest supporters though and will do everything in my power to keep your image up. I know I'm not required to anymore, but something inside me will prevent me from ever stopping. I owe you so much. I can't stop now. Not when it matters most._

His heart rate began to pick up, his hands sweating as dread coiled in his stomach and a burn made itself known in his chest. The muscles in his neck tensed.

_Lastly, I don't blame your decision. I think if I were in your shoes, I'd be angry too. However, what you wished to know is in the other letter. No, what is your right is in the other letter. I understand that now. I hope it gives you everything you wanted and pray that no more disappointment is waiting for you. You don’t deserve that after all you’ve gone through._

_Again, apologies for my lack of understanding. My life didn't bless me with adept skills in social situations, thanks to my father. You know that better than anyone, and I suppose that's why I worked so well cooped up in that cave with my computers. I'm not trying to make excuses. I think at this point, I'm just thinking out loud, trying to get it down on paper so you can (hopefully) understand a little bit better._

_Anyway, don't feel guilty. I brought this on myself after all. Do not hesitate to find a replacement for me. They'll probably do a much better job than me anyway. I wish you and them all the best._

Roy choked on his saliva. What was she talking about? _No one can do as good a job as her. Oh god. What have I done?_

_Please be careful though, Roy. Don't wear yourself thin too much. And that wound on your side is still healing so make sure you get the bandages changed at least twice a day. Doctor Marcoh at the hospital has already agreed to come and check up on you since I won't be able to anymore. I phoned him before I left. He's an old friend and someone you can trust. I know it will probably be hard now, but you can trust me on that one._

_Okay. Sorry for rambling._

_I've left my rooms tidy so you don't need to worry about cleaning them. I did that before I left._

_One final time, thank you for everything. From the bottom of my heart._

_I'm sorry I failed you._

_P.S. Your secret is safe with me. Even into hell._

_Riza_

The other letter was forgotten as Roy turned and ran from the room. The hallways seemed to go on forever as he ran, his blood pumping in his ears and his breaths loud in the silent rooms. The wound on his abdomen burned as he exerted himself. _Please be careful though, Roy._

"Riza?" His call echoed through the house as he knocked on the door to her rooms. "Riza?!" His knock was louder. He let himself in, surprised to find the door was unlocked.

The place was bare.

The curtains were open, letting in the moonlight instead of being closed to block it out and allow the occupant the sleep. The bed was perfectly made - just like she always left it. The sheet was pristine, without a wrinkle on it. There were no clothes, no personal effects, _nothing_ lying around to indicate the room was occupied.

She was gone.

* * *

"Hughes? I need your help."

"What for?" the police chief asked gruffly, sounding distracted. There was a shuffle of paper on the other side of the line. "I'm a little busy right now -"

"Riza's gone."

"Gone?" Hughes echoed, pulling the receiver away from his ear to yell at someone in his office.

"Hughes," Roy called to him to try and bring his attention back to the conversation.

"What?" His reply was irritable.

"Riza is _gone_."

There was a pause. "What did you do?" he asked harshly.

It was a fair question and something he'd always expect from Hughes. He'd always liked Riza and whenever the police chief had something to discuss with Roy, he always preferred to go through Riza than Roy himself.

"I fucked up." Roy's voice was hoarse.

"Too right you did if she left." Hughes sighed heavily. "Did she say where she was going?"

Roy shook his head despite being on the phone. "Uh, no. She didn't."

"Where would she -" Hughes cut himself off to yell again. "Look can I call you back? Or come over in an hour? We kind of have a situation here."

"Uh, yeah. Of course."

* * *

“Oh,” Solaris – no, she’d called herself Lust – cooed, her eyes smiling as they flicked in understanding between the two. “She _loves_ him.”

Riza grit her teeth, readjusting her grip on the gun. One well-placed bullet would end this woman immediately and Riza was _this_ close to firing. She and Wrath had already beaten Roy. There was no question they would kill her too, and it was her job to protect him. It had been for years and even though Roy had fired her, she still cared and held that obligation towards him. He had saved her life. It was time she returned the favour.

“So what if I do?” Riza asked coldly. “What does it matter to you?”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Roy’s head move on the floor, eyes moving to her face. Riza didn’t allow herself to look.

“Oh, it doesn’t matter to me, my dear,” Lust chuckled, straightening, the knives between her knuckles extending outwards with a flick of her wrist. “However, it has made good entertainment these last few months. It’ll be a shame to see this soap opera end.”

Wrath lunged, causing Riza to shift her gun towards him. Roy called out but Riza’s only focus was on her approaching target. However, their plan all along was to distract her and as Wrath stuttered to a stop as Riza shot him, Lust continued forward with a snarl, her freakishly long fingers piercing Riza’s abdomen. She gasped at the pain while Roy yelled behind her. The pressure disappeared and Riza felt wetness pour out of her stomach. Looking down Riza watched as a red stain slowly appeared. As if in slow motion, her hands rose to clutch the affected area as she crumpled to the floor.

There was the sound of a scuffle around her, but Riza couldn’t think. She felt like she couldn’t _breathe_. All she knew was searing pain and her hands were slick with her own blood. She tried to press them to it, but they slipped and slid from her body. Shock was setting in as her breaths became thick and fast, trying to collect as much oxygen in her lungs as possible.

“Riza?”

Roy’s face was above hers. Riza’s eyes struggled to focus on him, but eventually they did. There was blood on his face. Some were splashes but his cheek had also been sliced by one of Lust’s knives. One eye was swollen and red, and it hadn’t been before Riza fell.

“Get…” she protested feebly, pushing him away. “Get somewhere… safe.” She wouldn’t let him die. Not over her.

“It’s all right,” he reassured her as he resisted her weak shove. A hand ran from the crown of Riza’s head to her cheek. “I dealt with her. She’s gone.”

“G – gone?”

Roy nodded. The hand on her cheek cupped it, and distantly she felt pressure on her abdomen. Her hands had long since given up trying to press themselves to her wound, so was that Roy? Riza’s body was numbing too much for her to be able to think about it.

“They’re both down.”

“I’m sorry, I failed you,” she garbled, blood sputtering from her lips. She could feel herself slipping and she _needed_ to tell him that. It would be a cruel fate for her to slip away now when she had so much to say. However, life was never fair, just like she’d been unfair to him over the whole Solaris situation. “And I couldn’t… let you face them… alone.”

It didn’t help the woman Roy had once loved, who they’d thought was dead, was actually alive and well and trying to kill him. Apparently it had been an undercover job from the start, and Riza didn’t take too kindly to the woman mocking Roy for not seeing it as she’d sneaked up to their standoff. Seeing him battered and on the ground, Riza had stepped up. If she could offer herself up for a distraction while Roy tried to recover, or at least try to buy him some time, she would. Riza had made a promise, no, a _vow_ , that she’d watch his back years ago. It didn’t end with the termination of her employment. It was more personal than that.

“No,” Roy shook his head vigorously. “No, you didn’t fail me,” he reassured her, his voice rough as tears fell down his cheeks. “You saved me.”

Riza’s eyes fluttered closed of their own accord. No… There was so much more she wanted to say…

Roy was calling for her frantically, begging her to open her eyes. His grip on her cheeks were firm, his fingers digging into her neck in his desperation. It would have been painful if she weren’t already slipping away.

“ _Please don’t leave me_.”

* * *

“How’s she doing?”

Roy started, not expecting Hughes to be beside him. He appeared from nowhere, offering Roy a sympathetic look and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, so Roy must have looked like a sorry sight in that chair.

“And, how are _you_ doing?” Hughes prompted, sitting next to Roy.

“She’s not woken up yet,” Roy replied, straightening his spine. The hands that had been clasped in front of him while his elbows rested on his knees were let loose. His fingers cramped after being held together so tightly and for so long. Roy shook them loose.

“It will take time, the doctor said,” Hughes stated. Roy knew that. They’d said the same to him. “She lost a lot of blood.”

Roy swallowed thickly. He’d showered since the fight against Solaris – no, _Lust_ – and the man called Wrath. However, he could still feel his hands slick with Riza’s blood.

 _How could you have been so dense? You risked it all for Solaris, and she was probably laughing at you behind your back_.

Riza was right. She’d thought something had been off with her, had even told him, but Roy dismissed it. _If only you’d listened_. Then they wouldn’t be in this mess. Riza wouldn’t be fighting for her life in a hospital bed because he couldn’t think with his head.

“And you?” Hughes prompted. “I can’t help but notice you’ve avoided my question.”

“Fine,” he replied.

Hughes laughed. Actually laughed.

“If you say so, Mustang.” Hughes stood from the chair. “I came down to ID the bodies but wanted to check in first.” He paused, looking down at his old friend. “Make sure you eat, okay? Riza wouldn’t want you to waste away to nothing. You owe her that much, at least.”

“Sure,” Roy agreed. He could try and eat, but it didn’t mean it would stay down.

“She’ll be pissed to come back and find out the man she loves is a shell of himself.”

Roy’s head snapped up, noting the knowing look on Hughes’ face. “You knew, huh?”

“Yep. For a while. She was an expert of hiding it, which I admired. Didn’t mean I liked it though,” Hughes frowned. “Why do you think she stayed after all the shit went down every time? She’s very duty-driven and professional, perhaps to a fault, but she had a personal stake in you too.”

It was true… She should have left years ago but had stayed. And then all that shit with Solaris… Damn. Roy rubbed his face with his hands. That couldn’t have been easy for her. The words from her letter twisted the knife deeper into Roy’s heart. He thought there might have been something… But she’d denied it whenever anyone broached it. Always the professional, Riza was.

“Did you know?” Hughes asked, curious.

Roy shook his head. “Not… Not really. Then Solaris came along –” The name left a bad taste in his mouth.

“I get it,” Hughes stated softly. “You always were blind to what was around you, so that doesn’t surprise me,” he added, voice teasing and light. Glancing up, Roy saw a sympathetic smile on his face.

Roy’s stomach tensed. Lust had said Riza loved him and Riza hadn’t denied it.

_So what if I do?_

“We had time… But she denied it, then Solaris came along –” Roy tried to make sense of the revelations and thoughts rushing around inside his head. It was a poor excuse, but it was what he’d told himself for years. It was pathetic, like him.

“Tell her,” Hughes prompted. “It will make her day, especially after getting stabbed.”

His old friend walked away, leaving Roy to watch his departure.

If only it were that easy. He’d lashed out and fired her. She’d left. She probably wanted nothing more to do with him.

 _But she did find you_ , the voice in his head argued. _She did fight for you and did distract them while you were down._

Roy rubbed his face with his hands again. Sitting back in the chair in defeat, he vowed he wouldn’t move from here until she woke up. He didn’t think he could bring himself to.

* * *

Riza’s existence was a dull throbbing pain when she awoke. She twitched her fingers and toes, finding them all there and working as they should. Nothing was missing. Next, she moved her hands and feet, but even that felt like an effort. One twitch of her whole foot made her stomach throb, so she opted against that for the moment. Blinking her eyes open, she found herself in a hospital room.

She was alive, at least.

The door opened and Riza’s eyes moved slowly towards it. It was like her body was moving in slow motion, still struggling to wake up. Roy walked through the door, not fully paying attention. His eyes were on the floor at first, then automatically moved to her face. He froze. The bag of crisps in his hands fell to the floor, forgotten.

Riza took in the sight of him. There was a cut on his cheek which had healed. There were some stitches in the wound, but it looked healthy and pink. One eye looked slightly bruised, but wasn’t swollen like she remembered it being –

Everything came rushing back at once.

Blood. So much blood. Her hands sliding in it as it leaked from her body. Roy crying over her, shouting her name, begging her to stay with him. And pain. There had been so much pain. In her chest and in her stomach. Her heart had burned as she walked away from Roy and into an unknown future. As she crept up to overhear Lust and Wrath mocking Roy after beating him down. She’d stepped in to try and stop it.

Riza’s heart rate soared as she remembered, her breaths coming thick and fast.

“Riza?” he called to her. He’d rounded the bed quickly and knelt by her side.

She felt like she couldn’t get enough air. She’d almost _died_ –

“You’re all right,” Roy coached. One of his hands was gripping hers tightly, but she took a second to realise there was pressure on it. “You’re safe. You’re in hospital.”

Her eyes flicked to his, noting the concern on his face. There was none of that in his tone, just reassurance. It helped calm her down and bring her back to the present.

_She’d almost died._

“I’m alive…” she whispered, more in reassurance to herself.

Roy nodded. “You’re alive,” he repeated firmly. “You’re going to be all right. The wound has been treated and its anticipated you’ll make a full recovery. You lost a lot of blood,” he added. “But you’re on the mend.”

There was no more talking as Riza calmed her breathing. She hated to lose it like that, but the impending feeling of doom that had consumed her as she slipped away on the tarmac of the road had come careening back into her life alongside her memories of what had happened.

All throughout it, Roy stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.

“I’m okay.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, wary of hurting her abdomen further by inflating her lungs too much. Her heart rate had finally slowed enough that it felt like she was no longer panicking.

Roy squeezed her hand tightly. Then, he bent his head, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand as Riza stared at him, dumbfounded.

“Good,” Roy breathed. He stared at her hand as his expression became more forlorn. “I’m so sorry about how I acted. I’m… I’m sorry –” He cut himself off, taking a deep breath. “I love you, Riza,” he admitted. His eyes were wide and wet, meeting her head on. “And I was too blind to see it until you were lying on the ground, dying.”

“What…?” Her head was spinning, still trying to catch up with her body finally waking up and with what he was saying.

“I’m so sorry,” he warbled. His body heaved with his breath.

Riza squeezed his hand. The world had finally stopped spinning after that revelation. “It’s all right,” she hushed him.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, straightening his spine. “Are you in pain?”

“A little –”

“I’ll get the nurse –” he mumbled hurriedly, already beginning to rise from his knees.

“Wait,” Riza commanded. It worked because he stopped long enough to look back at her. He was paused mid motion, one knee bent ready to stand while the other knee was still on the floor. “Roy, I’m all right just now. Calm down,” she soothed.

It took a moment, but his body relaxed, and his shoulders sagged.

“Come here,” she beckoned.

He did, right away. He knelt by her side again. Tentatively his hand slipped into hers and Riza responded with her own tight grip.

“I’m okay, and it’s okay,” she told him. He’d obviously been worrying himself about her condition, but Riza wasn’t sure why –

_I love you, Riza and I was too blind to see it until you were lying on the ground, dying._

Did… Did she dare dream…?

No. No, that was ridiculous –

“I love you, Riza,” he murmured.

“Wh – What?”

“You heard me,” he challenged softly. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to realise.”

 _So, he finally realised, huh?_ It hurt to think that he’d realised this when she’d been close to her deathbed.

“That doesn’t matter,” she shook her head, trying to reassure him. Try to ease Roy of the guilt she saw so plainly on his face.

“It _does_. I… I went through all of that with Solaris and you had to go through it too. You picked me back up again.” He swallowed. “That must have been hard. I… I always thought there might be something but…”

“I was always the professional,” she replied with a wry smile. A cough left her to try and clear her dry throat. “Maes used to grill me about that all the time.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

“It wasn’t your job to think about me. Your personal relationships are your own. It’s none of my business.”

“Hughes said you’d known… about your feelings…” Roy swallowed. “For a while.”

Riza shrugged. “I dealt with it. My goal was to make sure you were all right and back up on your feet.”

“You’re the only one with that power.”

Riza scoffed.

“I mean it,” he replied earnestly. “I – I missed you,” he admitted. “So much. I didn’t know what I had until it was gone, and it was by my own doing.”

“What matters is you’re here now.” And that was the truth. She didn’t know what to expect if she ever awoke, but it was an instant comfort to see him here, by her side.

Slowly, Roy inched forwards. He pressed his lips gently against Riza’s, kissing her softly. Roy’s fingers caressed the back of her neck as she lifted a hand to cup his cheek. A whimper broke from her throat as her eyes fluttered closed. His touch and his kiss were so tender and loving.

Everything she’d locked up inside of her and buried deep was battering against her chest, desperate to be free, but she held it at bay for now. She would live in the moment and enjoy the love and care Roy was showing her. Riza had always managed to bury her feelings at will, but she knew there would be no stopping that in the future. Not when everything she’d ever wanted was laid out in front of her.

**Author's Note:**

> what’s angstier than a farewell letter :)


End file.
